Every single word in the original post clarifies more than plain English. It is more specific and has better nuance than a plain translation.

That doesn’t make it a useful explanation because the audience of the statement is not the in-group using the jargon.

One part of my daily job is translating “technical” into “manager”. The translation always loses fidelity to the original. Jargon exists because it’s useful, not because there’s a deliberate attempt to keep others out. Some will then use it as a shibboleth but that does not mean it’s original purpose was such.

For what it’s worth: that’s true of all translations. I’ve done real time translation from Italian into English and it’s always missing the nuance of the original. I’ve read the divine comedy in English and Italian and the English is always missing the context and nuance.

Language is an abstract representation of concepts and never maps faithfully.

I was definitely in a similar position but at a younger age. So I’m not sure how applicable my experience is to you at 40+

For me what helped most was 3fold:

1. Bupropion. I can’t state how much this antidepressant/ADHD combo medicine helped me chill out, function, and relax about social situations.

2. A major cognitive shift from “I must make friends” to “I’m totally happy alone, friends just make things better”

3. Learning to always assume the best. People aren’t out to get me, nor do they hate me. They’re generally busy, almost certainly have a small clique of friends they like to spend time with, and I’m not in that group. And that’s totally fine.

It took from age 23 until 26 for me to get that all straight in my head. I spent almost a year of that pulling back from all social responsibilities and taking time to be alone and heal.

Reading through your comments here reminds me of myself before that process and I’ll give you the same advice that a dear friend gave me - you need to go talk to a psychiatrist. Your mental state is unhealthy.

You don’t heal a broken leg by walking on it. You shouldn’t try to heal a broken mind by force of will. Medication is a modern wonder, and I’d seek it out every time in your position.

Interact with them just the same as before. they’re still friendly people, they’re just friendly people who didn’t come to an optional social event.

How many optional social events do you say no to? Personally I will decline dozens of invites to do things every year for various reasons including: nah I don’t feel like it.

It’s not that I don’t like the people doing the inviting: it’s that I have a limited social battery, limited free time and a lot of things I want to do.

And in the meantime: become even closer with the 5 who showed.